Humans is the only specie that will engage in activities to actively self-destruct in attempt to be more lovable. The gap between who we are and who we want to be, is what motivates most of us to grow. Some of us choose methods that change us by killing us - physically, emotionally and spiritually.Read More
When we are addicted to something, our true self tends to get hidden away. Only to be seen in glimpses here and there, when the cravings are not controlling us. And usually, when we are addicted to something, most of our waking time is spent on figuring out when to get our next fix, recovering from the crash after the high has worn off or dealing with the insatiable cravings. There is little space to just be. Be okay with who we are. This is super stressful. And what do we do, when we are stressed out? We reach for our addiction of choice. And on and on it goes.Read More
How many times do you find yourself in the same situation, just differences faces and different spaces? If your answer is more than 3 times, you might want to consider what the shared feature of each situation is.Read More
When are we ready for change? When the time is right. And the time is always right. Time is the only thing in life we cannot get more of. Nevertheless we tend to wait for that right time, as if only then magic can happen. I don't know many people who truly ever change. I do know many people, who say they are waiting for the perfect time. When the time is right, then they will do it. Whatever that may be.Read More
to just keep walking. Seems pretty solid advice. Yet I wonder how many of us disregard this oh-so-simple advice and instead freeze in the moment, like a deer in headlights. We stay stuck in the pain, we might find ourselves in at times for far too long. So that a moment in pain becomes an eternity. Crippling us.Read More
We tend to think of spiritual practice as something very isolated - something where we engross ourselves in ourselves even more. It easily becomes a thin veil for narcissism and spiritual materialism - nurturing fanatic views and black-white thinking even further.Read More
Our emotional health is closely tied to our physical health. For every emotion there is a biochemical equation. As an example, when we are under stress, we store fat and crave sugar, carbs and stimulants. We also store “molecules of emotion” in our fat cells.Read More
Addictions can include mind-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol, as well as mood-altering addictions such as eating disorders, compulsive over-spending, smoking, porn, being “glued” to the internet, gambling or codependency in relationships. To care for an addict is often as debilitating as the addiction itself: watching someone play mind-games with themselves and others all the while slowly self-destructing. In order to survive as a family member of an addict there are a couple things to keep in mind to keep one's own sanity and also not become an enabler for the addict.Read More
When we are addicted to something... anything... we lose ourselves. We wear so many masks to hide our insatiable hunger for our fix of choice, that we become merely a shadow of our former self. This feeds into the feeling of emptiness and that there is a void which we must fill up with something outside ourselves, because we feel hollow. For every addiction there is abandonment at the root of the self-destruction and distraction.Read More
I was doing an eating disorder group workshop last week and this question was asked. What do most of us do when we feel disconnected? Some of us obsess over our iphone, others have randomn sex, some of us eat too much, drink too much, take too many drugs while others constantly instagram their ABS while living in the gym addicted to social media and being "liked" for their outside, all the while they feel hollow and unloved on the inside. And yet others simply stop eating to numb the emotional pain, in attempt to feel in control in a world that feels chaotic and scattered oftentimes. So how do we reconnect when we feel disconnected and we just want to distract from the unease of being human - of feeling uncomfortable emotions?Read More
In this TED talk, poet Shane Koyczan talks about the perception of beauty. It is hauntingly, heartbreakingly beautiful. The essence being, how we need to understand that our words... the way we speak.... is what sets off every other domino effect in the world... in our own and other people's lives. Our choice of words has lasting impact on our own sense of self and those that cross pur path. Yet, we often find ourselves using words so carelessly... as if it's only words. Only words.Read More
Our body makes our trauma real, it provides experiential knowledge of the trauma. Our cells remember hurt from the past. The emotional pain resides in our body memory.
When we do not listen to our body, its only option is to INCREASE the volume.
This is why we got to listen to our body, if we want to break free of past pain.
If we do not listen to our body, we become imprisoned by it. Our life playing on repeat, like a hamster on a treadmill.
So the key to break the cycle is to start being present in our body, and listening to our truth. Where we are right now.
Accepting that we are in pain, that we are acting out, numbing ourselves or whatever we are doing to avoid being in this skin we are in.
By recognizing our dysfunction we can take ownership and change.
As much as it is frustrating, and pretty painful actually, to have to realize how we have been suppressing our truth; fact is that the faster we decide to examine our patterns - we can let go of that which is not serving us.
Only then can we let go and move beyond our current self-limiting beliefs, which has body memory.
Yes, we cannot just rely on talking our way out of our dysfunction. Pain and trauma has body memory. This is also why attraction happens beyond words spoken. We pick up on people's truth and core self by their body language. Our body behavior will reflect our thought patterns: are we reserved, scared of comitting? Are we open, vulnerable and caring?
People like people who touch them - body, mind and soul.
The physical accent of touching is very primal because it literally transmits energy and information beyond our conscious control. Physical touch is a core part of recovery and re-connecting both with ourself and others.
We do not re-connect by intellectualizing and overanalyzing life.
Often intellectualizing things only further disconnects us and provides as a procrastination to take action.
We reconnect by feeling life and the shades of it.
When we touch other people (not grope them, mind you), we are showing a sense of genuine concern.
We are reaching out beyond intellectual blabber and making people FEEL heard, cared for and understood.
The more senses we activate in other people, the stronger the bond will be. And the more genuine also, because we are reading different levels of each others' truth. Who we really are - what we say being secondary.
If we only address the cognitive aspects of change, we get a limited view of emotional responding.
We end up with an overemphasis on conscious controlled cognitive thought processing with little consideration of actual interpersonal dynamics in real time.
We become that person who sounds smart, but doesn't act smart.
Where there is no relationship between what we say and what we do.
And that's just so unattractive on every level.
A key reason to why many of us fail to understand that we cannot keep faking it; people pick up on the unsaid cues too and react in a instinctive way to that, far more important than the picture being presented. Why glitter images of perfect lives often crumble: if too much effort is put on presenting shell perfection without attention to that which is core, we develop a gap between who we are and what we put on display for everyone to judge. When the gap is too big, we feel like frauds and we don't know where to take action because we get too attached to picture perection. And again, the lowest standard will always be perfection, because that is simply not attainable. Also, why perfectionism is so off-putting to others.
We are not being consistent and acting with integrity. We are not behaving in a way that is authentic. We are not relatable.
We are all talk and image with no substance.
Words are cheap, and that is why we need to SHOW our truth not say it.
Too much talking without SENSING, DOING, ACTING, FEELING does not take into consideration that which is beyond our consciousness: our deepest rooted belief-system.
This means we are only working on our shell. Like we prefer - because core work can seem like a lot of work initially. Changing your core will hurt. It will be tiring. It will be a non-linear process of ups and downs and relapses.
That is the only way to transform your life in a way that is in alignment with who you want to be.
When we refuse to change our core, we deal with a constant sensation that we are not really living our truth.
Whenever another storm hits, our card house will collapse. Once again.
So here are the 5 steps in brief that is needed to get back into our body again:
1. CONNECTION: Create opportunities for connection to the body in a safe manner. Connection to and acceptance of all parts/ emotional states, connection to sense of Self.
2. EXPRESSION: Create opportunities for safe and healthy expression through the body,
3. COGNITION: Correct cognitive distortions related to the body.
4. FUNCTION: Create increased ability to utilize self soothing and affect regulation skills
5. MINDFULNESS: Increased ability to be present in the hear and now.
Now these 5 essential steps to gain body sensation needs to be translated into action steps that are doable for your life on a daily basis RIGHT NOW.
I want you to write down next to each step what that action step would be for you.
And then do it.
Sometimes we need to start from scratch. Rather than overanalyze and try to fix things that are broken and lacking; simply toss out all our bad habits, past baggage and with it our belief-system. This, in order to take action steps to create the person, we want to be in the now. It is essential to understand, that this is a decision we make ourselves. Whether we make it or not; we are completely 100% in charge of letting go of the past, in order to become the person we want to be - body, mind and soul.Read More
Most people who have struggled with an addiction or disordered eating behavior, will tell the same tale of triggering events - when everything gets overwhelming, when everything seems like there is no purpose, when there is too much stimuli or not enough.... then they go back to their drug of choice. This is due to an inability to focus on what matters at the core. When we do not know what to focus on - how to consciously shape our focus, so that is where our energy flows, we lose grasp - we slip. Retraining our brain to focus only on the select essential, that is in alignment with our purpose and passion, requires us to first be able to be in the present moment fully. Focus is the essence of any and all lasting change.Read More
Your first ritual that you do during the day is the highest leveraged ritual by far, because it has the effect of setting your mind, and setting the content, for the rest of your day. - Eben Pagan
How we wake up sets the frame for the rest of the day. Every high-achiever - and that is what breaking an addiction essentially is: a high-level achievement - has a set morning ritual. A ritual that triggers clarity, motivation, purpose and determination... that taps into the essence of who we want to be. Every. single. day.Read More
An untamed mind runs like wild horses. As scenic and romantic as that might sound, I can assure you that is not so, when it comes to our internal mind chatter. Quite the contrary. So we know that our mind controls our emotions, and that our emotions affect our physical state of wellbeing and organ health. The logical question then is: what controls the mind? Breathing. Breathing is the king of the mind. Breathing instantly takes us from the sympathetic to the parasympathetic nervous system response. Our reptilian brain is in charge of our response to life when we are in the sympathetic nervous system. Our reptilian mind is like a snake. It's sneaky and wants to attack and react. That's why many of us get lost in running after things like power, sex, binge behaviors and money.... always more, more more.Read More
I was at The Longevity Conference in Anaheim, California last week with a bunch of health nuts like Dr. Mercola, Ron Teeguarden, Dave Asprey and David Avocado Wolfe - as charismatic as they are, not much health nut news there. However, what really stood out was this guy whom I happened to stumble upon. He is absolutely brilliant in the field of transformation and transcending limiting belief systems. Check out below video where Kute Blackson talks about the importance of dyeing once before we die. This is crucial for anyone who is in recovery - we must let go of all the mental blocks that have held us chained to our past limiting beliefs.Read More
Each one of us has a battle, that we fight in this lifetime. That is why it makes no sense to compare us to each other. The battles are different, yet our perception is what makes for the pain experience. And that is what matters: our perception. We all hurt the same and go through the same pain, yet the triggers and the way we deal with it differs greatly. What may trigger pain in one person, may seem like a piece of cake to another. And for some, the piece of cake is the trigger. The bottomline here is not the cake, although I do love cake. The point is, that it doesn't matter what the trigger is. The only thing that matters is our filter. In other words, our resilience and ability to deal with what is our unique weakness. Our willingness to be excruciatingly honest with where we are right now, in order to determine the next step to progress at a soul level.Read More
Addiction is one of the greatest health issues facing Western society today. When I say addiction, I do not mean necessarily hardcore drug or alcohol addiction. The term addiction encompasses almost all self-destructive patterns or behaviors. We are experiencing a lack of control in some area of our life. Some kind of behavior that provides instant relief or distraction to escape the fact, that we are not feeding all 3 aspects of what defines us as a human being - that is why we are not thriving in this skin we are in. What are the 3 aspects of being a human?Read More