ELEMENTS OF RECOVERY

How to break food, drug and alcohol addictions, bite by bite.

Return of investments.

January 23, 2018 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Self-Worth, Transformation Keys

If we have unrequited affection for someone it is emotional masochism. You cannot love someone who doesn't love you - that is merely obsession and infatuation at best. And well, at worst, we are busy realizing our childhood trauma of never feeling good enough, lovable and so forth. Why we unconsciously seek out people who will confirm our automated negative selv-talk. And because we are comfortable with our own trashtalk and believe this to be true about ourselves - that we are not worth it - we stay, we endure and hang on like a cat to the curtain tails. It is painfully pathetic.

The sweet addiction of victimization.

December 14, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Body Image, Anxiety, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Trauma + Abuse

I can't stand the #metoo campaign sweeping over us at the moment. It is toxic to both men and women alike. And I absolutely do not feel empowered as a female by this sort of feminist-wannabe campaign. On the contrary, I feel victimized, disempowered, pathetic and weak. I feel as if I am literally being brainwashed into believing, I cannot say no to anyone challenging my standards.

The feedback-loop

August 24, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Body Image, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Self-Worth, Transformation Keys

We mirror people we like, as it shows them that we respect them and also a certain level of admiration. If their response is favorable to us mirroring them, then they will also typically mirror us. This makes us feel like we are in rapport. We feel safe. This may not necessarily be the case - especially if we are both being people pleasing.

You're so needy!

August 10, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Self-Worth

There are generally two types of people when it comes to neediness. There are those of us who pretend to not have any needs, not need anyone, to be completely and utterly self-reliant. Lies. And then there are those of us, who are constantly demanding some sort of "hit" to feel validated. Please like me.

Forgettable.

August 02, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Transformation Keys, Self-Worth, Faith, Intimacy

"You can't forget anything that hurt so badly...(...) It's not possible to forget anybody you have destroyed." - James Baldwin from Another Country 1962. I was reading this tidbit of a snippet taken out of context just the other day. It struck me how many things we may think are "forgettable" but indeed they leave forever imprints.

"I can't reject you, you're too quick for me", she said.

July 27, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Transformation Keys

In the movie Pay It Forward there is a scene where Helen Hunt says to Kevin Spacey, "I can't reject you, you're too quick for me". Kevin Spacey has some emotional stuff from his past that causes him to have intimacy issues with getting close to anyone incl. Helen. I thought this was a poignant reminder of how we tend to unconsciously exhibit the very behavior towards ourselves - and quite often also towards others - that we fear the most.

"Don't eat that", he said.

June 29, 2017 by Christina Santini in Body Image, Depression, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Self-Worth, Transformation Keys

"Don't eat that. Stop.", he said as he smacked the back of her hand, reaching for the bread basket. Oh man. I wish I was making this stuff up. But no. A very good friend of mine from New York dated this guy for 2 - not minutes, hours, days, weeks or, heck, even months but 2 full years. Now this may seem like an innocent little thing to say. Although I think I would bite the hand of any person trying to keep me away from the bread basket.

After the break-up.

June 07, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Transformation Keys

So last week we went through 4 celebs that struggled addiction and found recovery. Well, it's not a secret that Jon Hamm went through a breakup with his longtime girlfriend in 2015. In his recent interview with InStyle he states that, "being single sucks". This being 2 years post his breakup, he is going through some tough stuff no doubt. Considering Jon Hamm's past issues with addiction, it's times like these that will show whether he has come out on the other side or not. He is such a brilliant actor so let's hope so. Anyone who's gone through a breakup regardless of being okay with separating ways and all, still knows what type of unavoidable nutty trainwreck you turn into in the time following. Yeah no, that's never fun. Add to that addicts have a very low pain tolerance level and you got yourself a nice little relapse setting.

Please like me.

April 13, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Eating Disorders, Intimacy, Transformation Keys

One of the most freeing things in life is to be able to discover other people for what they are, without worrying about whether they like us. However, few of us are willing to like someone without there being a clear indication that the other party will like us back. That's risk-avoidance behaviour and ultimately not very satisfactory - because we hold back how we feel to avoid rejection.

They say that if you are going through hell...

October 12, 2016 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Faith, Intimacy, Transformation Keys

to just keep walking. Seems pretty solid advice. Yet I wonder how many of us disregard this oh-so-simple advice and instead freeze in the moment, like a deer in headlights. We stay stuck in the pain, we might find ourselves in at times for far too long. So that a moment in pain becomes an eternity. Crippling us.

4 Ways To Rebuild Relationships in Recovery

August 31, 2016 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Binge Eating, Eating Disorders, Intimacy, Transformation Keys

After getting clean many expect an almost overnight change and applaud from their nearest ones as well. The road has been long and winded and often we thought we just wouldn't make it. That this life was not for us. That we didn't have what it takes to live in this skin. Every minute felt like another stabbing pain. Yes, that is how many feel that long road to finally figuring out how to live in this paper-thin skin without relying on drugs, food and alcohol.

Why a strong sex-drive is an indicator of strong health

March 09, 2016 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Biochemistry Balancing, Intimacy, Stress Tools

According to a 2008 study in Obstetrics and Gynecology, 38.7% of women report decreased libido as their primary sexual health concern. What has sex got to do with addiction and recovery you might think? Well, the biochemical imbalances following an addiction often leads to a complete wipe out in sex drive.