Sometimes we need to start from scratch.
Rather than overanalyze and try to fix things that are broken and lacking; simply toss out all our bad habits, past baggage and with it our belief-system.
This, in order to take action steps to create the person, we want to be in the now.
It is essential to understand, that this is a decision we make ourselves. Whether we make it or not; we are completely 100% in charge of letting go of the past, in order to become the person we want to be - body, mind and soul.
When we have the determination to re-invent ourselves from scratch, we can base our new life on a couple core fundamental values which are in alignment with who we have become.
This is crucial for our new life to be in the flow even in times of painful change: our actions must now be a direct reflection of our current heartfelt values.
The stronger bond we can create between our core values and needed action steps to get there, the more likely we are to hang on when the going gets tough.
After all, humans are not trees - we can and should move. We can and should change our mind based on new information that comes to light. That's why we have a mind. And it is the only sane thing to do, when we have gone through hardship in our life: assess the whys and the key lessons to take out of it.
If we don't do this, the lesson repeats itself over and over and over again.
Different spaces, places and faces, but the core issues remains the same. Until we decide to dive in and lean into whatever the lesson is, that we are supposed to take away from it, it will repeat.
The only time wasted is the time we cling on to the past.
The future is always going to be uncertain, it is only natural for us to tend to gravitate towards the past. We know what we had.
Regardless of it being toxic in many ways - there is comfort in knowing.
There is comfort in repeating behaviors. Our brain likes habits, because it needs not think about it, it just does them on autopilot. Why we go through many a relapse as part of recovery from a self-destructive habit; we want to know what we get. We want the familiarity of knowing - even if it comes with pain.
However, in order to create the life that we want, based on how we change throughout life, we will need to get comfortable with the uncertain.
The more toxic a life we have lived - or rather, the more out of alignment with who we really are - even if it seemed like a glamour picture life that we have lived - the more drastically we will need to make that conscious decision to do a do-over.
We will need to let go of past baggage in order to make us light enough to accelerate forward.
Here's how to follow through on your do-overs:
Make a list of the deepest regrets in your life today: Ask yourself if there are any items that you still desire and want to pursue? Which items is it time to let go of and make peace with?
What is the lesson?
Is there a red thread that run through your regrets? Are you scared of being emotionally naked and expressing your needs? Do you self-sabotage based on limiting belief-system when good things happen? Do you react rather than reflect and cause bleeding cuts in other people that leave scars (and yourself)? Do you chase other people's values because you are not comfortable with listening to your own desires? Do you seek outside validation and it is never enough, so the chasing is never ending?
There should be ONE CORE LESSON from your past that you take action steps towards living out in your new life today.
For many of us it is the ability to be emotionally naked.
To express our needs. And this means we start today by taking steps to express our truth, needs and wants.
We start saying NO to things more often, than we say yes.
By saying no, we remain true to our essential focus and what really matters in our new life. We only say yes to things, people and actions that are now in alignment with our true needs.
This way we are able to build another level of confidence that comes from knowing WE are in control of meeting our needs, not other people. We make a decision to mindfully - after reflecting on the matter (not reacting) - express our needs regularly, preferably daily.
This gives us a clear picture of what we need to do, in order to get those needs met, rather than suffer in silence or numb out in drugs, food and alcohol.
Change does not happen by chance, it happens by design.
If we do not take the time to decode what the lesson is and how to apply it into our new life, we will repeat old patterns again and our past will become our destiny - something many of us keep resisting and why we stay stuck in the hamster wheel.
Many of us like to think we are not that needy - when in fact we are. We all need love, we all need something that feels safe - a home etc.
A space where we can be naked in every way.
And the more we suppress it, the greater the longing becomes; eventually turning into despair and often numbing that neediness out with drugs and food, because NOW we are just too needy after years of refraining from expressing our needs and feeling like we are not worthy of whatever it is we truly need to feel - well, loved.