ELEMENTS OF RECOVERY

How to break food, drug and alcohol addictions, bite by bite.

Apathy.

March 25, 2021 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Anxiety, Self-Worth, Stress Tools, Transformation Keys, Trauma + Abuse

The lack of any emotional attachment has become the golden standard of today's societal demands. Seemingly in contrast to the political-correctness movement which gets offended by all and sundry, we also live in a time, where we are supposed to be "cool" with everything - cool with every type of douche-bag behavior. We are supposed to pretend like, “hey, I didn't even notice” - like, “I am so cool, you can't even get to me”. And that, right there, is the issue. When we give in to this nonsense apathetic BS pattern, we lose. Not only do we lose ourselves and our standards of how we are willing to be treated, we become liars. Everyone knows, yet we all pretend, that we are all so goddamn fine with these sick no-standard standards. We don't date anymore: we hang out. We don't wait anymore: we hook up. We don't talk anymore: we text. We don't feel anymore: we have sex, we do drugs, we eat too much, too little, or we purge our food and emotions up.

Return of investments.

January 23, 2018 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Self-Worth, Transformation Keys

If we have unrequited affection for someone it is emotional masochism. You cannot love someone who doesn't love you - that is merely obsession and infatuation at best. And well, at worst, we are busy realizing our childhood trauma of never feeling good enough, lovable and so forth. Why we unconsciously seek out people who will confirm our automated negative selv-talk. And because we are comfortable with our own trashtalk and believe this to be true about ourselves - that we are not worth it - we stay, we endure and hang on like a cat to the curtain tails. It is painfully pathetic.

The feedback-loop

August 24, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Body Image, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Self-Worth, Transformation Keys

We mirror people we like, as it shows them that we respect them and also a certain level of admiration. If their response is favorable to us mirroring them, then they will also typically mirror us. This makes us feel like we are in rapport. We feel safe. This may not necessarily be the case - especially if we are both being people pleasing.

Forgettable.

August 02, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Transformation Keys, Self-Worth, Faith, Intimacy

"You can't forget anything that hurt so badly...(...) It's not possible to forget anybody you have destroyed." - James Baldwin from Another Country 1962. I was reading this tidbit of a snippet taken out of context just the other day. It struck me how many things we may think are "forgettable" but indeed they leave forever imprints.

"I can't reject you, you're too quick for me", she said.

July 27, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Transformation Keys

In the movie Pay It Forward there is a scene where Helen Hunt says to Kevin Spacey, "I can't reject you, you're too quick for me". Kevin Spacey has some emotional stuff from his past that causes him to have intimacy issues with getting close to anyone incl. Helen. I thought this was a poignant reminder of how we tend to unconsciously exhibit the very behavior towards ourselves - and quite often also towards others - that we fear the most.

What does addiction look like?

July 20, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Anorexia, Anxiety, Binge Eating, Body Image, Bulimia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Management, Transformation Keys

Sometimes we think that addiction is the stereotype presented to us in movies. We see the husband that suddenly goes bankrupt and his beautiful wife leaves him. So he is left in the gutter with stubbles and a bottle of Jack. We also see the drug addict as the person with one too many tattoos, portrayed as scarily gaunt, getting their money from shady business and spending their weekends at raves. These stereotypes are not what addiction usually looks like. Many addicts are high-functioning. Addiction is incredibly common amongst CEOs and people who need to keep up the pace of a life that is based on money, power and relentless ambition. Someone who is high-functioning will still have a job, maintain relationships and have their money matters in order. The high-functioning addict will appear to have their life together.

Oversharing, overcaring.

July 12, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Anxiety, Transformation Keys, Self-Worth

In a time where there are no limits to what people will post online about their private life in order to try to be unique, impressive, fascinating, attractive, gain validation and whatnot, the most simple way to actually be unique is to avoid the trap of oversharing.

"Don't eat that", he said.

June 29, 2017 by Christina Santini in Body Image, Depression, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Self-Worth, Transformation Keys

"Don't eat that. Stop.", he said as he smacked the back of her hand, reaching for the bread basket. Oh man. I wish I was making this stuff up. But no. A very good friend of mine from New York dated this guy for 2 - not minutes, hours, days, weeks or, heck, even months but 2 full years. Now this may seem like an innocent little thing to say. Although I think I would bite the hand of any person trying to keep me away from the bread basket.

Let's all be nice and be political correct assholes.

June 14, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Transformation Keys, Self-Worth

The absolute worst kind of asshole, is the political correct asshole. I cannot stand this political correct nonsense that is sweeping over us like a summerwind at the moment. There is nothing worse than when we play the passive-aggressive card. It's like we won't even admit we are being assholes and then we blame someone else for our own misfortune. It's complete nuttiness. It stunts our growth because we get stuck in this victimization mindset. Most of us have had a point in our life - at the bare minimum - when we played the victim, until we realized that the only common denominator in every single one of our interactions and circumstances - well, that was us, ourselves, you, me, myself and I. And if we had just an ounce of common sense - which by the way is not very common - then we decided then and there to stop the whining and rather solve whatever needed to be solved. I don't believe we all can or should get along with each other. But I do believe we should all respect each other's differences of opinions.

After the break-up.

June 07, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Intimacy, Transformation Keys

So last week we went through 4 celebs that struggled addiction and found recovery. Well, it's not a secret that Jon Hamm went through a breakup with his longtime girlfriend in 2015. In his recent interview with InStyle he states that, "being single sucks". This being 2 years post his breakup, he is going through some tough stuff no doubt. Considering Jon Hamm's past issues with addiction, it's times like these that will show whether he has come out on the other side or not. He is such a brilliant actor so let's hope so. Anyone who's gone through a breakup regardless of being okay with separating ways and all, still knows what type of unavoidable nutty trainwreck you turn into in the time following. Yeah no, that's never fun. Add to that addicts have a very low pain tolerance level and you got yourself a nice little relapse setting.

4 Surprising Celebrities That Struggled Addiction

May 24, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Anorexia, Binge Eating, Bulimia, Depression, Transformation Keys

Addiction has become epidemic - it knows no face, race or gender. And no one is too rich, too smart or too good-looking to escape its claws. Read on to find out which 4 surprising celebs struggled and overcame addiction.

It is not our duty to be attractive to society.

April 19, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Transformation Keys, Emotional Management

Often we think of addiction as if there is something wrong with us. As if somehow we are just not made for this life. As if somehow we have not been equipped to deal with the pain, the hurt, the losses and whatever else, we inevitably will encounter through a lifetime in this fragile, paper-thin skin we are in. I don't think that's the case. People who struggle with addiction are not broken. Those of us who struggle with addiction are simply reacting to the many facades and masks, that we tend to wear to fit into a sick society.

Please like me.

April 13, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Eating Disorders, Intimacy, Transformation Keys

One of the most freeing things in life is to be able to discover other people for what they are, without worrying about whether they like us. However, few of us are willing to like someone without there being a clear indication that the other party will like us back. That's risk-avoidance behaviour and ultimately not very satisfactory - because we hold back how we feel to avoid rejection.

All the small things.

April 05, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Self-Worth, Transformation Keys

I was grabbing the metro the other day. And as it so often happens, everyone makes their way in one big mass and stops right in front of the metro doors, not really allowing people to get out, before they push their own way in. One of the truly most mind-boggling behaviors. And I swear, it must be the same people who never pick up their dog shit either, so the streets now look more like a public restroom for the four-legged than anything fit for humans.

Insatiable.

March 23, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Anorexia, Binge Eating, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Emotional Management, Transformation Keys

"I am afraid of my own desire. That I am insatiable," she said. "There is a part of me that is always hungry. And I feel I must keep it hidden, so that it does not unleash all of a sudden". This quote is taken from a client suffering from Anorexia. I think quite a few of us can relate to being scared of showing our needs.

Changing lanes.

March 08, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Anorexia, Binge Eating, Bulimia, Body Image, Depression, Eating Disorders, Self-Worth, Transformation Keys

We tend to shape our future by constantly looking in rear mirror. This, essentially means that our past keeps running on repeat - just in different shapes and forms. When we are battling any type of addiction, we will want to understand a couple things in order to prevent dabbling between different self-destructive patterns.

An exercise in letting go.

February 15, 2017 by Christina Santini in Transformation Keys, Emotional Management

This is an exercise inspired from native Indians and their fire ceremony - it is a sacred ceremony for growth to happen, and just very helpful in identifying what we need to let go of and making a conscious decision to do so.

Letting go of what doesn't serve us anymore.

February 08, 2017 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Emotional Management, Transformation Keys

With addiction there is always this inability to let go of our own past issues, traumas, personal hang-ups, lack of self-confidence and things that no longer serve us. In other words: addiction is the attachment to our current place of pain. The pain of change stems from our fear of losing something - our attachment to stuff, perceptions and excuses. How do we let go of stuff?

How do we manage anxiety?

December 07, 2016 by Christina Santini in Binge Eating, Addictions, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Management, Transformation Keys

In the Noonday Demon Andrew Soloman writes, " Depression is a response to past loss, anxiety is a response to future loss". However, the two states often feel similar. This is because anxiety and depression share a single set of genes. This set of genes lies close to the genes involved in alcoholism and certain eating disorders.

Is it killing you or making you stronger?

November 30, 2016 by Christina Santini in Addictions, Anorexia, Binge Eating, Body Image, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Management, Transformation Keys

Humans is the only specie that will engage in activities to actively self-destruct in attempt to be more lovable. The gap between who we are and who we want to be, is what motivates most of us to grow. Some of us choose methods that change us by killing us - physically, emotionally and spiritually.