The sweet addiction of victimization.

I can't stand the #metoo campaign sweeping over us at the moment. It is toxic to both men and women alike. And I absolutely do not feel empowered as a female by this sort of feminist-wannabe campaign. On the contrary, I feel victimized, disempowered, pathetic and weak.

I feel as if I am literally being brainwashed into believing I cannot say no to anyone challenging my standards.

And if I can't say no - then who the fuck can? Yes, excuse me, but who are we expecting to come and rescue us, as if we are 5 years old at a playground? We are not fragile 5 year olds anymore, and it is time for us to be occupied more with our own standards than fitting into society's sick standard of body image, pleasantness, lip injections looking like they are designed for the sole purpose of giving a blow-job, vain likability factor and so forth.

If we keep telling ourselves that this is, in fact, not our choice: to stand up for ourselves and recognize our own freedom of will, then we give away our power and turn into chronic victims.


And victims will always be abused.

So even when we have encountered actual physical attack or rape, we don't want to linger in victim mode forever. We want to move out of that place so that our trauma does not turn into our destiny - this is for our own sake and sanity. Not because we are not entitled to be victims forever after such a beyond words soul-crushing incident, if we so wish, but because we realize that by staying in victim mode we are further suffering.

We want to heal, not prolong suffering.

If we want to avoid victimization, we want to focus on our power. That means simply walking away from things that do not serve us. Instead of staying and pretending, and then afterwards crying wolf. Many of the stories in the #metoo campaign tell about grownass women who feel pressured to have sex with their boss to get a promotion, or that a man leaned in to kiss a female in a work related environment and she was not comfortable with it. I have a pet peeve with this - and that is, that in most of these stories, we have the choice to just stand up and walk away. We have a choice to act. We have a choice to say "no, I won't be getting that promotion if that is what it takes - I will find another job, see you later pig". Being able to say no and set standards makes us powerful - being unable to solve anything and give in makes us weak.

I think most women have at some point had their ass grabbed or something similar of that nature - how do we act to that?

It is complete inappropriate behavior, but good grief, it is nothing to write a memoir about or a #metoo hashtag story. If I believe that I am a grownup, powerful and smart being, then I know I can solve this matter also in the moment. So you might smack the guy or just tell him off and move on. It is not a big deal that requires therapy or a victim card. Being a victim indicates that we are just weak passive beings unable to solve things ourselves. We come off as pathetic when we subscribe to this mode of living.

I remember being offered a job by a high profile doctor in New York. Now I was already working for another also high profile doctor at the time - but this side-gig was a nice opportunity also. So I was super excited about it, until I got a text from him, where he suggested also some other activities. I had just been reading his book and in the foreword he stated how much the love from his wife and kids had meant. I was outraged - that this pig would play his family for some random young catch. So I of course replied back to tell him off - obviously not getting the gig. When I read stories of harassment, these are the types of stories that also come up quite often in the #metoo campaign.

I do not consider this harassment - this is an offer that I can decline.

It is not like ohmygoodness I must do whatever this freakyfreak asks of me, because I am an idiot without a brain. Now this scenario is obviously quite different when we are still kids - it does not apply here. As kids we still have mostly unbroken trust towards adults, and we trust that whatever they ask of us is required in the situation, so that is a completely different aspect, than what I am describing here or what this campaign is about.

However, as grownass women we all have a brain, and we are supposed to use it to make our own decisions. 

It is an offer from a male pig, where it is one's own choice whether one wants the job or not, considering what else is asked. 

Anyone with a modicum of common sense and some basic standards will just tell such pigs off and move on. It is not a big deal.

It doesn't mean that the entire male specie needs to be a target as is the case currently. I don't believe that you can solve serious problems through a hate-campaign - the result being you get all sorts of gold-digging tales messing up the picture.

I refuse to be a victim.

I refuse to accept victimization for actions that I have done myself where there was a choice. Even if the outcome was not pleasant, most often, we do have a choice. We can find another job, we can tell others off and walk away. This is not a trauma. Trauma should be reserved to those who have encountered rape. 

I am sure that in show-business especially, there is a certain unspoken acceptance of that in order to get ahead of the game, you might consider some horizontal activity. 

And that is obviously totally disgusting. Just plain nasty.

Which kinda brings on the question: why on earth would one be so hell-bent on making it to the forefront of an industry filled with male pigs, gold diggers and starfuckers anyway? 

It is a free choice to pursue that direction. Okayokay, so you are in it for the art, you say. I get it. But that also means, that we need to consider how our standards may be challenged and how we are going to uphold those standards - because it is a god given that our standards will be challenged. And if we just accept and give in - well, then we don't really have any standards in the first place. And that's kinda a problem, because then our life will be defined by other people's standards and not our own. We will be willing to almost effortlessly mold depending on what is asked of us.

Now that is OUR problem - it is NOT other people's problem.

We need to get very clear about the distinction about our problems and other people's problems when we play the blame-game such as the #metoo campaign. We all have worked with people, who will spend every single breathing moment complaining about everything at work. It is always everybody else's fault, never do they have any say in it. And even if offered a solution - they will choose to ignore it cos they prefer to just be passive and complain. It is a trap in life that we want to avoid at all costs - cos it keeps us imprisoned in our own misery, and only we have the key to unlock it and set us free. Yet we fear this. Yes, many of us fear the freedom of choice and taking responsibility for our actions or lack thereof more than the prison we build ourselves to keep us inactive and stuck in status quo - like an addict.

There is a freedom of choice. We have the choice to say no - no to crossing that line of having certain standards and accepting that we might not get that promotion or whatever.

It is not like anyone is forcing us to cross a line - we choose to cross a line in order to get a promotion. The moment we choose to see this as pressure or victimization, we are giving our power away. We always have the option to stand up and walk away from what does not align with our values.

It offends me as a member of the female specie that we will happily play the victim game.

How can we walk in our own power and live with grace, if we falsely feed into the belief that women are weak and to be victimized? No. I refuse to be a victim until I am one. And in the majority of cases we can just stand up and walk away. Yes we might have to let go of something - i.e. a promotion or whatever - but better that, than to sacrifice our standards. We cannot expect others to hold up our own standards for us - what makes us strong is to stand up for our own defined beliefs and values in spite of what society considers normal. We do not ever want to be victims.