I can't stand the #metoo campaign sweeping over us at the moment. It is toxic to both men and women alike. And I absolutely do not feel empowered as a female by this sort of feminist-wannabe campaign. On the contrary, I feel victimized, disempowered, pathetic and weak. I feel as if I am literally being brainwashed into believing, I cannot say no to anyone challenging my standards.Read More
We mirror people we like, as it shows them that we respect them and also a certain level of admiration. If their response is favorable to us mirroring them, then they will also typically mirror us. This makes us feel like we are in rapport. We feel safe. This may not necessarily be the case - especially if we are both being people pleasing.Read More
Sometimes we think that addiction is the stereotype presented to us in movies. We see the husband that suddenly goes bankrupt and his beautiful wife leaves him. So he is left in the gutter with stubbles and a bottle of Jack. We also see the drug addict as the person with one too many tattoos, portrayed as scarily gaunt, getting their money from shady business and spending their weekends at raves. These stereotypes are not what addiction usually looks like. Many addicts are high-functioning. Addiction is incredibly common amongst CEOs and people who need to keep up the pace of a life that is based on money, power and relentless ambition. Someone who is high-functioning will still have a job, maintain relationships and have their money matters in order. The high-functioning addict will appear to have their life together.Read More
"Don't eat that. Stop.", he said as he smacked the back of her hand, reaching for the bread basket. Oh man. I wish I was making this stuff up. But no. A very good friend of mine from New York dated this guy for 2 - not minutes, hours, days, weeks or, heck, even months but 2 full years. Now this may seem like an innocent little thing to say. Although I think I would bite the hand of any person trying to keep me away from the bread basket.Read More
"If you develop an eating disorder when you are skinny to begin with, you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not skinny to begin with, you are a success story."How low have our standards of success gotten? So low that means of self-destruction are celebrated. It is sad that we accept this type of imprisonment, but fact is - we are the only ones who can stop allowing it to happen.Read More
We tend to shape our future by constantly looking in rear mirror. This, essentially means that our past keeps running on repeat - just in different shapes and forms. When we are battling any type of addiction, we will want to understand a couple things in order to prevent dabbling between different self-destructive patterns.Read More
Humans is the only specie that will engage in activities to actively self-destruct in attempt to be more lovable. The gap between who we are and who we want to be, is what motivates most of us to grow. Some of us choose methods that change us by killing us - physically, emotionally and spiritually.Read More
In this TED talk, poet Shane Koyczan talks about the perception of beauty. It is hauntingly, heartbreakingly beautiful. The essence being, how we need to understand that our words... the way we speak.... is what sets off every other domino effect in the world... in our own and other people's lives. Our choice of words has lasting impact on our own sense of self and those that cross pur path. Yet, we often find ourselves using words so carelessly... as if it's only words. Only words.Read More
Our body makes our trauma real, it provides experiential knowledge of the trauma. Our cells remember hurt from the past. The emotional pain resides in our body memory.
When we do not listen to our body, its only option is to INCREASE the volume.
This is why we got to listen to our body, if we want to break free of past pain.
If we do not listen to our body, we become imprisoned by it. Our life playing on repeat, like a hamster on a treadmill.
So the key to break the cycle is to start being present in our body, and listening to our truth. Where we are right now.
Accepting that we are in pain, that we are acting out, numbing ourselves or whatever we are doing to avoid being in this skin we are in.
By recognizing our dysfunction we can take ownership and change.
As much as it is frustrating, and pretty painful actually, to have to realize how we have been suppressing our truth; fact is that the faster we decide to examine our patterns - we can let go of that which is not serving us.
Only then can we let go and move beyond our current self-limiting beliefs, which has body memory.
Yes, we cannot just rely on talking our way out of our dysfunction. Pain and trauma has body memory. This is also why attraction happens beyond words spoken. We pick up on people's truth and core self by their body language. Our body behavior will reflect our thought patterns: are we reserved, scared of comitting? Are we open, vulnerable and caring?
People like people who touch them - body, mind and soul.
The physical accent of touching is very primal because it literally transmits energy and information beyond our conscious control. Physical touch is a core part of recovery and re-connecting both with ourself and others.
We do not re-connect by intellectualizing and overanalyzing life.
Often intellectualizing things only further disconnects us and provides as a procrastination to take action.
We reconnect by feeling life and the shades of it.
When we touch other people (not grope them, mind you), we are showing a sense of genuine concern.
We are reaching out beyond intellectual blabber and making people FEEL heard, cared for and understood.
The more senses we activate in other people, the stronger the bond will be. And the more genuine also, because we are reading different levels of each others' truth. Who we really are - what we say being secondary.
If we only address the cognitive aspects of change, we get a limited view of emotional responding.
We end up with an overemphasis on conscious controlled cognitive thought processing with little consideration of actual interpersonal dynamics in real time.
We become that person who sounds smart, but doesn't act smart.
Where there is no relationship between what we say and what we do.
And that's just so unattractive on every level.
A key reason to why many of us fail to understand that we cannot keep faking it; people pick up on the unsaid cues too and react in a instinctive way to that, far more important than the picture being presented. Why glitter images of perfect lives often crumble: if too much effort is put on presenting shell perfection without attention to that which is core, we develop a gap between who we are and what we put on display for everyone to judge. When the gap is too big, we feel like frauds and we don't know where to take action because we get too attached to picture perection. And again, the lowest standard will always be perfection, because that is simply not attainable. Also, why perfectionism is so off-putting to others.
We are not being consistent and acting with integrity. We are not behaving in a way that is authentic. We are not relatable.
We are all talk and image with no substance.
Words are cheap, and that is why we need to SHOW our truth not say it.
Too much talking without SENSING, DOING, ACTING, FEELING does not take into consideration that which is beyond our consciousness: our deepest rooted belief-system.
This means we are only working on our shell. Like we prefer - because core work can seem like a lot of work initially. Changing your core will hurt. It will be tiring. It will be a non-linear process of ups and downs and relapses.
That is the only way to transform your life in a way that is in alignment with who you want to be.
When we refuse to change our core, we deal with a constant sensation that we are not really living our truth.
Whenever another storm hits, our card house will collapse. Once again.
So here are the 5 steps in brief that is needed to get back into our body again:
1. CONNECTION: Create opportunities for connection to the body in a safe manner. Connection to and acceptance of all parts/ emotional states, connection to sense of Self.
2. EXPRESSION: Create opportunities for safe and healthy expression through the body,
3. COGNITION: Correct cognitive distortions related to the body.
4. FUNCTION: Create increased ability to utilize self soothing and affect regulation skills
5. MINDFULNESS: Increased ability to be present in the hear and now.
Now these 5 essential steps to gain body sensation needs to be translated into action steps that are doable for your life on a daily basis RIGHT NOW.
I want you to write down next to each step what that action step would be for you.
And then do it.
Being touched and cared for as an infant is paramount for our later development of self, and the establishment of our psychological self along with our physical self. Many of us today struggle with a sense of being truly comfortable in our body. And that's a real shame. Our relationship with our body will affect any other relationship we are in to some degree. If we are not comfortable with the body we are in, it gets very difficult to share our authentic self in an intimate relationship.Read More
We get so worried about being pretty. Let's be pretty KIND. Pretty FUNNY. Pretty SMART. Pretty STRONG. When we suppress our freedom of being due to external ideals, we sell ourselves short, in addition to sending off a message to others, that love is conditional. An illusion that somehow love is dependent on our physique, that we as humans need to look a certain way to earn love - to be lovable. There is nothing less attractive - and unfortunately also difficult to love ironically - than those of us, who try and try and try to fit in to be loved. The vibration of desperation is something we pick up unconsciously - why we are drawn to some people and repelled by others. Bikini season is the most obvious season to pick up on how body obsessed we have become.Read More
Do you know what you are trying to fit into? Everyday we make choices and trade-offs based on what we want to fit into - or not - jeans size aside. Whenever we feel lost, disconnected and lonely, it can be traced back to a lack of congruency between our values and actions. When our actions are a reflection of external pressure points; that we simply react based on trying to fit in to a shell-focused society, then we sell our soul. This makes us feel hollow. Never good enough. We fell fake.Read More
Size is not a reflection of health, only our vanity obsession. Thus each one of us is responsible for asking whether our lifestyle is centered around vanity and disconnectedness, rather than wholeness, happiness and acceptance... savoring the flavors of life vs. depriving ourselves. Deprivation always leads to soul hunger and most of us will binge later to compensate anyway. Or just grow emotionally unstable as we suppress our true needs. Living a life that is centered on nourishment and acceptance is health - in whatever shape, form or size that may be.Read More
Because you can't stick to a 1500 calorie model-starvation diet, doesn't make you a food addict or a weak will-powered individual - it makes you human.
Being hungry is normal - you eat and it goes away. Being hungry and not being a size 2, is not a reason to ask your doctor for speed, because you "have difficulty focusing...". The stimulant class of medication includes widely used drugs such as Tenuate, Ritalin, Adderall, and Dexedrine. Stimulants work by increasing dopamine and often also endorphins in the brain. So what's the downside?Read More
Feeling, sensing, embracing are all essential skills for living creatures to survive in this world. Dancers, actors, musicians, race car drivers, surfers and athletes usually have incredible kinesthetic awareness. This body awareness is something that most of us had as kids. Everyone who goes down a path of self-destruction disconnects from this awareness - and feels, well, disconnected, lost and without any sense of inner guidance; thus spiraling out of control.Read More
Everyday we are either running towards something or away from something. Think about it for a moment. What drives your actions.... even in the small every day behavior. Why do you buy diet pills, why do you drink alcohol, why do you obsess about diets, why do you avoid talking to those you are most attracted to, why do you avoid taking up a new sport, why do you always have to spend hours getting ready - and yes, this goes for men too, cos God knows vanity knows no gender. Most of us have centered our lives around our very fears. We are busy running away from something - using our energy and power to focus on what it is we do NOT want in our life. I.e. we don't want to be fat, we don't want to be shamed while speaking our mind in public, we don't want to feel unloved, we don't want to be rejected, we don't want to be alone, we don't want to feel stupid, we don't want to feel insufficient etc. etc.What do you think you get when you busy yourself with your fears? Drumroll please....Read More
One thing that remains constant for every human being is our need for food. The act of eating. Of nourishing ourselves and those we love. Yes, food is an extension of love. How we eat is an expression of nourishment for our body and soul. If we can't master the art of feeding ourselves in a loving manner that meets our individual and ever-changing needs, every other relationship will reflect this dysfunction to some degree. Whether it is overly rigid, controlling and obsessive - or we binge and suppress our needs and emotions.Read More
Any type of eating disorder takes your identity. The more you have an eating disorder, the more you lose your identity. There is a fundamental essence of you that is the same, but apart from that eating disordered people are very much alike during their illness.Read More