We mirror people we like, as it shows them that we respect them and also a certain level of admiration. If their response is favorable to us mirroring them, then they will also typically mirror us.
This makes us feel like we are in rapport. We feel safe.
This may not necessarily be the case - especially if we are both being people pleasing. We might tend to lose ourselves for the sake of being liked by another being who is also busy wanting to be liked - this obviously makes for an unhealthy connection of sorts, because we are not connecting values, but just mirroring to get likes back. So we want to be conscious of how we use mirroring - and to use it to express our true thoughts externally, so there is consistency in how we show up in this world - or to navigate in tricky waters to solve conflicts rather than escalate them.
Now how do we use this knowledge for anything constructively?
Well, next time we encounter a person that we might consistently rub the wrong way, we might want to observe how our body language changes - do we close up, do we avoid eye contact? If we do the exact opposite of mirroring another being, we are sending a message that we do not like this person - maybe we do, but we are just scared or have some other trauma going on causing us to be irrational in our body language. But the thing is still, if we do not master our body language, everything else matters little.
People pick up on how we feel about ourselves and about them, from watching our body.
The best way to establish rapport between someone we have an ongoing conflict with is to change our body language next time, we need to solve something.
Most of us have come across someone in our lifetime that only says niceties to our face, yet the minute they turn their back to us, we are certain they are thinking trash about us.
This is cos we have picked up on the subtleties of their body language towards us.
And we can be certain, that if we are guilty of this passive-aggressive approach ourselves, then others know this too. What we say matters little, if our body language does not follow along.
Being passive-aggressive lowers our integrity instantly, cos we are not speaking our truth and we are manipulative to top it off.
It send a bad message to ourselves, that we dare not stand up for what we believe in. How do we break this pattern? Well, we decide to stop talking trash behind other people's back - if we do not think it is worth saying directly to that person, we don't say it at all.
This simple promise to ourselves makes us more likable to everyone - including ourselves.
And it is a very simple promise to make, regardless of the temporary feel-good factor of gossip. Gossip is like addiction - and often lies and addiction go hand in hand, why it is so important to honor our word and promises once in recovery. We can't continue at the same level that we succumbed to addiction - we need to rise up to leave it behind us.