When we break things, we do so only when we replace them with other things.
The key to this is to understand WHAT to replace unwanted behaviors with, otherwise it becomes a willpower struggle that will not last in the long run. Humans do not run on willpower very long - it is just not sustainable.
And thank goodness for that, because willpower is a pain to keep up.
Our aim should rather be to understand nature and how our body and mind can work with it so we can live in a state of flow most of the time - with only windows of willpower needed to sustain the sense of flowing WITH life instead of against it.
How do we do this?
We need to create a fundament based on small rituals that are in alignment with our ideal life. Our ideal life is the life we want to live at every level - heart, mind, body and soul.
Where do we want to be, who do we want to be with... the more senses we can activate with our imagination of our ideal life, the more motivation and empowerment we get out of it. When we are focused on something that brings out the smile within, this will much more likely translate into actions. Because it makes us FEEL good. What we want makes sense.
Our focus and self-talk is not based on deprivation, rather a strong sense of possibility, potential and purpose.
Next, we must identify the values that we need to COMMIT to in order to BECOME the person we already are - but that needs to shine through at a greater level of existence.
So that every cell of our body radiates that way of being.
No more hiding in our shadows of destruction. We need to write down 3 core values that we want to embody. This gives us a strong sense of direction as to why we are aiming for that ideal life, that may seem so very far away to begin with.
When we have clear values, we can use this as our GPS to navigate life with.
We are literally re-writing our own story every second when we do this. Because we avoid the pitfall of jsut talking and taking no action. I cannot stress the importance of taking immediate action when you know something. many of us tend to sound good on paper, yet we do not practice what we preach.
I've met quite a few psych cases in my time working with addictions and eating disorders who sounded - and likely also were - smarter than their psychiatrist. They know everything, and even more so and deeper than their therapist, because they have lived the story of misery. They know what it FEELS like.
Yet they fail to take any action. They stay in their destructive comfort zone.
How many of us do that in some areas of our life?
It always makes me very sad to meet people, who are not able to take steps in another direction, especially when they can say all the right words.... it is painful, because they KNOW, but they just don't know HOW to do.
One way to identify all the opportunities to break this old pattern in real time, is to have a strong sense of the 3 core values we want to radiate.
As an example, I can tell you that my own 3 core values for keeping on track with the person I want to be are: Grace, Integrity + Compassion.
I chose this in order to not let external factors choose how I react. I want to master my actions. I want to master the way I show up in this world, regardless of whatever happens on the outside.
If we do not consciously choose - we allow others to push us into reptillion ways of acting out. No one wants that.
We have a responsibility to be the values we crave to see around us.
Now this does not mean that we may necessarily BE this value at the moment, rather they serve as a compass as to constantly ask ourselves: "What would a graceful and compassionate person with integrity do in this situation?'. Rather than react with our old self and repeat our past, we then decide in each moment to take on these values like a chameleon and act as a person who embodies those qualities. This enables us to try over and over again multiple times each day to we master those qualities and they are our new natural go-to response.
It is very simple, yet I have found it to be the single most powerful tool to re-write our own story and avoid repeating our past behaviors.
Step 1: Visualize a situation from your ideal life.
Activate your senses. Who are you with. Where are you. What scents surrounds. What sounds are around you.
Step 2: Which values do you need to be to get to that place?
Think stability. Think commitment. Think love. Think reflective. Think kindness. Think compassion. Think grace. Think presence. Think harmony.
Which values resonate with that person in that moment in your ideal life?
Choose 3 from above listed or your own. Write them down.
Step 3: Now translate this step into action every day.
You do this by molding yourself ever so slowly into a new way af acting and showing up in this world, by simply asking yourself "What would an xyz person do in this situation?" And first THEN, do you act.