Every addiction, every act we do that inflict self-hate and suffering is a desperate cry for love at the bottom of all the dysfunction.
Addiction is love hunger.
A hunger to be accepted for what we are at our very core.
Every tale of addiction and self-destruction tells the same story of trying to fit in.
Sacrificing who we are at our core: hoping to be worthy of love in some shape or form.
We may not always realize that this fear of not being enough, not being worthy of love is what drives the self-destruction, the numbing out behaviors.
Addiction is a camouflage for being emotionally disconnected.
We fear showing our vulnerability and thus we suppress and pretend to be something else, anything else, than what we are. Because we think we are broken, that something in us is defect. And as most addicts tend to be very perfectionistic in their thinking, all their goals are out of touch with reality - thus creating a further disconnect and feeling of not being good enough.
Until we realize our true needs, we will not change.
We may try and try once again with willpower to control ourselves. We will go from one rehab to the next. Yet deep inside us there is a part of us that whispers that we are lost. It feels like a breeze running through to our bones on a cold winter day. Hoping to be saved from yet another snow storm.
So what's the key to transform suppression into transformation?
Get brutally honest with yourself and become aware of your own needs.
Emotionally, physically and socially.
We all have different levels of care in each area that we need met to feel safe, loved and able to express our potential.
Most of us dislike to say what we need because we fear that we will get rejected. That if we say our true needs, it will be too much. We will be told that we are too much. They just can't handle us - they just cannot meet our needs.
And so we create these lives of never expressing our true needs. In vain hoping that other people will turn into mind readers.
If there is one thing I know for sure it is, that NOT expressing our needs is what makes for much greater pain in life, than simply saying what we need, and then be OK with that, that person might not be able to meet our needs.
Expressing our true untainted needs takes courage - and through that we grow stronger. When we do this, it is almost as if a veil lifts from our mind; we realize that we are much stronger than we thought. We have integrity and we are able to stand up for ourselves and what we need in life.
That is incredibly sexy at a soul-level.
Becoming an attractive, strong and magnetic person happens, when we get comfortable with ourselves in the skin we are in. And this means expressing our core needs. That's why games are so unattractive and make people go nuts in the end. When we make a choice to live in consistency: for our talk and actions to match up, it is clear what we need and thus also what others can provide. This gives everyone a break as to not to have to react to every weird surfacing suppressed emotion.
When we don't express our needs, is when everything falls apart.
People start cheating on each other to seek outside validation. Relationships turn bitter and families go emotionally bankrupt.
If we don't know each other's needs, we can't even attempt to meet them. And once we know who can meet our needs we will stop wasting our time and trying to get something that is just not available from that person.